just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
