i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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