so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
