If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
