my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
God, I missed his penis.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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