butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm like, not good at living.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
