giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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