I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
