I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
