I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
