where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
