Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize