i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
