I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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