yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
