omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The power of my boobs compel you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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