She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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