Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
