i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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