Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
