She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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