apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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