i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
