today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
