so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
