he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
