a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
