you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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