we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
