saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize