apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
