i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
