I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
