There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There r osticjed everywhere
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
