My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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