yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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