Is it normal to miss your booty call?
where does the pee come out of this thing
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
