All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
