Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
