Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
