He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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