you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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