I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
