Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
