they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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