She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
