3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize