Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
