Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
