i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
did i walk over a car last night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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