there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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