im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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