just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
