His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
