btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
