Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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