youre lurking in front of me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
