I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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