My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
