I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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