Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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