Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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