so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
