dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
