can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
