dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
