You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
