forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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