when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
