dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
