The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
