he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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