i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
