i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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