he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was like getting head from an anaconda
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
