I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
