I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
