I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
