If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
