I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
