My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize