went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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