On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
