Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
