Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
