Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need moral support for this bender
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
