After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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