You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
