Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
