Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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