Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
