capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
